A Perfect Tourniquet

Hello and thank you for visiting my blog!  I haven’t written anything on here for a while so it feels good to be back, and I’m quite pleased with myself for finding the time as I’m very preoccupied with uni work at the moment!  I’m always telling people it’s not healthy to study too much, so I’m practising what I preach and doing something different for an hour or two.  And what better way to spend that hour or two than to write?!

As I write this I’m actually feeling quite inspired.  I recently completed an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course and am amazed by what a positive experience this was.  What’s even more amazing is the potential for massive long-term benefits on my wellbeing.  It’s something I think everyone should be able to benefit from and I encourage all my readers to start practicing mindfulness, whether just listening to a few guided meditations on YouTube, attending a seminar or doing a full-blown course.

The reason I’m so keen that people should practice mindfulness is I think it’s almost essential for coping with modern life in a healthy way.  Most of us have such busy lives in Western society.  We have stressful jobs, studying to do, families to look after, illnesses and injuries to contend with, a whole host of other challenges, or any combination of the above!  And with the way technology has advanced in recent times, we are now faced with a constant need to be connected to the internet, glued to a laptop, tablet or smartphone, texting, checking Facebook, playing a game or looking at the sports scores.  All in all, in my opinion this is not conducive to good mental wellbeing (I’ve written about this in a previous post too: see Feeling The Moment).

All these things mean we can feel constantly busy, in a rush and under pressure to be going somewhere or doing something.  We seem to have lost the ability to simply enjoy the moment and be fully immersed in whatever we’re doing at any one time.  What a shame that many of us can’t enjoy a meal with friends without checking our phones.  Or that we experience a heart-sinking feeling every time we check our phones and don’t have messages.  That being always aware of what we need to do next detracts from our enjoyment of time with friends and family.

Mindfulness can bring some peace and stillness to a hectic life

Since our jobs and studies and other responsibilities aren’t going anywhere, and I don’t see our reliance on technology going backwards any time soon, what we need is a way to adapt to this type of lifestyle and stay mentally healthy at the same time.  This means a need to make the effort to connect with ourselves and with the present moment every so often, rather than always being connected with social media or worrying about what’s happening tomorrow.  And this is exactly what mindfulness teaches us to do!

Even though we do all have busy lives, mindfulness can fit right into them.  Whether it be a 10 or 20 minute meditation, taking a moment to breathe deeply and acknowledge how we are feeling a few times a day, or simply being completely aware of what we are doing whilst we are doing it, we can always make time for mindfulness.  In turn, we can feel more relaxed, learn about ourselves and enjoy life more.  Ultimately, we can even find that some of the rushing around, being glued to technology and stressing about life we do is completely unnecessary!  Mindfulness, in my eyes, is the ‘perfect tourniquet’ to stem the flow of negative emotions that can be caused by hectic lives.  

One of my favourite ways to relax and connect with the moment is to listen to music.  I find music indredibly nourishing, whether this be through the emotional power of lyrics or the soothing effect of a beautiful piece of melodic music.  If you're a music lover too, try spending a little time each day listening to music and really connecting with it.  I find this helpful when my mind is very busy and I'm not getting on well with meditation.  On the note of music, I always try to name my blog posts after songs or lyrics, and this one is from an incredible band Anberlin.  The song doesn't have a great deal to do with what I'm writing about, but the title seemed apt, and I've put a video at the bottom of the page for you to check out.

Being mindful doesn't always have to involve meditation!

Other ways to bring mindfulness into your everyday activites is to notice the sensations in your feet when walking, spend time really noticing the flavours, textures and colours in your food, or simply to make yourself completely aware of what you're doing or how your feeling at any time.  If this all seems a little too much, simply try and spend a little time every day (or at least most days!) doing something you enjoy.

Staying motivated to practice mindfulness every day is challenging, and for all my raving about it I’m not always that good at it!  Fortunately I had a new burst of inspiration when I met up with some people from my MBSR course yesterday, plus I’ve volunteered to become a Mindfulness Advocate which will get me more involved with mindfulness and encourage me to keep practising.  I’m really looking forward to continuing on a lifelong mindfulness journey and helping others to do the same!

Links:

   

Dorset Mindfulness Centre

Guided meditations to kickstart your mindfulness journey

 

Love Story?

A slightly early Happy Valentine’s Day to one and all!  Whether you’re a singleton, part of a happy couple, have been married forever, a serial dater, or suffering from heartbreak, I reach out and wish you joy on the annual day of love!

Valentine’s Day seems to have become a big deal for a lot of people, seemingly more so every year.  Whilst I can see it’s appeal, it also has its downsides, so overall I have mixed feelings about the whole thing.  Here’s my take on the ups and downs of V-Day:

Every year, as the middle of February comes around, I find it a little baffling that so many people talk about how depressing it is to be single on Valentine’s Day.  This is probably in part because I don’t really get the concept to begin with: it’s over-commercialised.  It’s seen as a great night to go out but all the nice places to eat and drink are packed and noisy.  Also, I don’t see why we should subscribe to being romantic on a set day of the year!  Why not express appreciation for loved ones every day of the year?!

That said, I don’t want to come across as having a ‘bah-humbug’ type of attitude to Valentine’s Day.  Of course it’s nice to have an excuse to spoil our loved ones, spend quality time together and get romantic.  But why feel down if you’re not in a romantic relationship?  I for one have only ever been with someone one Valentine’s Day once, in the quarter of a century I’ve spent on the planet, and I can’t say it’s ever bothered me too much!

The one time I did ‘do Valentine’s Day’, I still didn’t really do it properly, so to speak.  There was a romantic meal, but we did this the weekend after the day itself, avoiding the overcrowding that I can only assume occurs on the day itself.  Other than that, the whole thing was a little disappointing: I’d bought some lovely goodies for my at-the-time-boyfriend, despite being a poor student, and in return got a couple of tacky gifts that had probably been bought at a service station on the way to seeing me!  Not so romantic after all!

Anyway, this doesn’t make me bitter or anything, it just makes me think the whole occasion is a bit over-hyped, which I guess a lot of people will agree with.  Also, I’m quite pleased to be able to say I was once given a red rose on V-Day.  I was still at school and must’ve been about 16.  A charming male friend of mine had bought about half a dozen red roses and handed them out to his nearest and dearest female friends.  A lovely touch, and something that’s remained vividly in my memory for all these years!

Fun with friends! :)

This nicely illustrates my main point, which is this: to me, there’s no point in getting down about being single on V-Day (I’m bored of typing Valentine’s!); instead, why not show some extra love and appreciation to others you hold dear?!  Let us singletons turn a would-be-disheartening occasion into a celebration of being single and free to enjoy time with our friends! 

I’m thinking a picnic in the park with my friends this Saturday will do the trick: for couples, this can be quite a romantic activity, but this will be with the added bonus of greater numbers (the more the merrier & all that!) AND made more fun by a spot of Frisbee!  Who’s in?!

Share the love this Valentine's Day, even if you're single!

If it rains, let’s go to the pub instead.  Can’t go wrong, right?!

Anyway, that’s all from me for now.  Whatever you’re doing, I hope you have a delightful time this weekend, with whichever loved one (or ones) you choose.  If you’re the type to feel a little low at this time of year, I challenge you to flip that switch, turn a negative into a positive and celebrate single life!

Save You

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I write this post with a somewhat heavy heart but at the same time feeling inspired.  I received some bad news over the weekend: Gary Dighton, a chap who I used to work with and a prolific part of the local cycling community that I’m a part of, took his own life on Friday.  As is usually the case in these situations, everyone who knew him is shocked and saddened by the news.

I’m not so good at receiving news like this.  When I was told, the first thing I said was “which Gary?”, knowing full well who was being spoken of but unable to accept what had happened.  Once I realised it was true, my first thought was that I wished I could’ve spoken to him, found out what was troubling him so deeply that he saw no other way through, and tried to help him find that alternative path.  “I wish I could save you”, to use a lyric from the emotive song that I’ve used to name this post.

This has led me to a bit of a period of self-reflection.  I realised that for me, possibly the most upsetting element of the whole situation is knowing that his family and close friends – people I know and am very fond of – are going through such a horrendous time.  I know that because, as you may have read in my post The Stairway to Heaven… one of my brothers took his own life when we were teens, which also probably makes me more sensitive to hearing this kind of news.  But the other thing I realised is that even though this area is so close to my heart, I’ve never taken a great deal of interest in it.

What I mean by that is I haven’t spent time reading research papers on suicide, I tend to skip past posts about suicide prevention when they pop up on social media, and I’ve never had the urge to raise money specifically for suicide prevention charities.  I’ve gotten thinking about this over the last few days and have realised this is probably a subconscious self-preservation thing.  It’s just too close to home so I avoid it and channel my passion elsewhere.

I hope to inspire people to discover optimum wellbeing

Instead, I have become enormously enthusiastic and passionate about wellbeing; about helping people make the most of life and getting through distress and trauma.  I guess that may have come from a fascination over how people react to trauma, based on my family experiences growing up.  But what I’ve realised over the last few days is that by doing this I’m actually indirectly working on suicide prevention too.

My passion, my goal and my life’s work is to teach people about how to optimise their wellbeing; how to be self-aware, know when something needs to change and how to change it to maintain and improve wellbeing.  Receiving that terrible news over the weekend has reinforced that what I’m doing is right: if I can reach out to people and make them realise that there are lots of things they can do to get out of those horrible, dark places, as well as inspiring people to truly make the best of a life that’s already quite good, perhaps I can make some sort of contribution to preventing people from reaching that point where they simply can’t make it through another day.

I generally believe that there’s always something good that comes from even the most devastating situations: in this case, the loss of a local legend has strengthened my passion for helping people through distress and made me realise that my aspirations hit even closer to home than even I realised before this point.  With a lot of hard work and a bit of luck, I hope that my life’s work will help many, and in some cases even ‘save you’ from the depth of despair. The fight for a healthier, happier society continues.

Looking Back On Today

Hello readers and welcome to 2015!  I hope it’s going to be a happy and successful year, not just for me but for everyone else too.  2014 saw my blog readership grow a lot, and I’m hoping for even more this year, so please help by sharing if you like what you read!

So, it’s around now that everyone’s thinking about New Year’s Resolutions and the ‘New Year, New Me’ cliché.   Resolutions are great if they’re realistic and you can stick to them, especially if they’re going to enhance your health or enjoyment of life (with this in mind, I’ll be posting some tips on trying something new shortly!).  At the same time, a new year shouldn’t only be about making promises about what you’ll do better in the coming months, but also about taking stock of your achievements and what you’ve done well in the year gone by.

Some positive words to get you motivated!

I think it’s in human nature to be quite harsh on ourselves, pick fault and always notice the things we did badly or aren’t so good at, rather than the other way around.  And think about it, if you’re setting out on a new year full of thoughts of what you need to improve about yourself, you’re not likely to be filling yourself with confidence or motivation to make those changes!  So give yourself a positive start to the year by looking back on 2014 and thinking about what went well.  How can you ensure you continue to be successful with those things and build on them?  Once you’ve taken stock and given yourself the credit you deserve, you’ll be in a better position to start making the changes needed to make things even better!

With this in mind, how about a New Year’s Resolution to be kinder to yourself?  To regularly

take stock of your achievements?  To write a gratitude list on the odd occasion?  How about regularly listing all the things you’ve got done at the end of a busy day or week? (this is like the opposite of a To Do List and MUCH more rewarding and mood-boosting!). 

Also, if you have made or are going to make a New Year’s Resolution, make sure it’s achievable.  There’s no point in setting yourself up for failure!  And if you have a little wobble or blip, don’t put it down to being an utter failure; it’s human nature to make mistakes!  Plus being too strict is unsustainable anyway.  As an example, if you’ve resolved to eat more healthily, there are various reasons you should cut yourself some slack: Firstly, you’d be silly to think that eating one chocolate or slice or cake means you’ve completely failed in your endeavour; the odd treat here and there won’t do any harm.  Secondly, it’s actually healthy to have a ‘cheat day’ once a week; this is rewarding and motivating and can help boost metabolism.  Thirdly, becoming overly concerned about what you’re eating can actually lead to really unhealthy thought processes, like an absolute obsession with what and how much you eat (a condition called orthorexia).

So, ‘New Year, New You’ is all well and good, but it’s important to pick the right resolutions, balance this with reminding yourself what’s good about the old you, and generally be kind to yourself.  Put all this together and you’ve got a recipe for a happier, healthier version of yourself in 2015! 

Links:

Orthorexia information:

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia-nervosa