Monday, 1 August 2016

Demons



I’ve talked before about how I firmly believe that the way we behave and deal with life’s challenges has a huge impact on our wellbeing, and today felt compelled to write about a particular example that illustrates this quite poignantly, for me at least.




Over the last couple of years I’ve had some ups and downs with my health, with episodes of feeling unwell with abdominal pain and fatigue.  I’ve had various treatments and investigations, but so far haven’t got to the bottom of what’s causing the symptoms.  At times the strain of not only the physical symptoms but the psychological impact of not knowing what the problem is has really taken its toll. 




I had two minor operations last year in attempt to fix the problem, and prior to the first one I was convinced it was going to be the answer.  Afterwards, when I realised it hadn’t helped, I was in quite a bad way for a while.  I allowed it to have quite an impact on my life, cancelling catch-ups with friends and being far less active than usual when my symptoms struck.  I was taking painkillers every day, and on the rare occasions I didn’t have tummy pain I’d end up with a migraine or something.  I couldn’t remember what it was like to feel well.  Thinking back on it now I can hardly believe I was in that kind of state when now, although nothing has changed medically, I’m in a much better place.




Simply enjoying riding my bike has played a major role in feeling healthier
I can see now that I’d gotten myself into a bit of a vicious cycle – doing less because I felt unwell, feeling sluggish because I wasn’t doing enough, and so on – and had also fallen into an unhelpful mind-set of being ‘ill’.  One day I just decided I needed to start doing something differently if I was ever going to feel better, so I took myself off painkillers (saving them only for particularly severe bouts) and gradually started to get more active again.  I also discovered the world of raw food, which led me to start making some changes to my diet.  I was already a healthy eater, but think this is one of the multitude of factors that has supported me to get back to a sense of wellbeing despite the limited progress on the medical front.




I’m now in almost completely the opposite state to how I was a year and a bit ago, and although my symptoms persist in a way I feel healthier than ever.  Another factor that has played a role has been practicing mindfulness, having completed a course at the Dorset Mindfulness Centre.  This has allowed me to be more accepting of my symptoms, which in turn has meant they have less of an impact when they do occur.  Rather than ruminating on them and dosing up, I now simply notice and get on with my day. 




As has been the case over the course of two years, I still have better and worse phases.  The difference is that at low points I might reduce the intensity of my exercise, or have an extra rest day, rather than letting it stop me in my tracks.  This helps keep me from getting back into a downward spiral, and seems to have really helped me to stay feeling relatively well.  The downs seem to be less severe, and my mood has stabilised alongside this (or maybe it’s the other way round and my stable mood helps me to deal with the physical side better!).




Before all this started, I was training really hard physically; I had a cycling coach and was competing in my local track league and time trials.  The start of my period of illness – I call it that as that’s how I saw it at the time, although I currently do not consider myself to have an illness – was one of the factors that drew me away from racing, alongside needing to spend more time and mental energy on working out my next career move.  This year, as I’ve gradually become more active, simply enjoying spending time on my bike (plus the odd weights session in the gym!) seems to have made me fitter than I was when I was doing loads of specialised, structured training. 




Time trialling a couple of years back
To me, this epitomises how state of mind and generally looking after yourself can have a massive impact on not only your sense of wellbeing but also your capacity to achieve certain things.  Last year I dropped out of a 100 mile cycle event I’d booked onto before the op that I imagined would cure everything, because I hadn’t felt anywhere near well enough to train.  Almost exactly a year later, I recently rode my first century - almost on a whim – when a club run turned out to be longer than expected and I decided I might as well tag some extra miles on to complete the hundred!  It was an important moment for me as I saw how far I’d come, simply by changing the way I reacted to what was going on.  I’ve also taken part in a couple of 10-mile time trials in recent weeks, and although I won’t be winning any titles any time soon I’m riding faster than I was two years ago, which I put down to all the factors outlined above plus the fact that I’m not really putting any pressure on myself to perform well, and making sure I get plenty of rest as well as plenty of exercise!




I just wanted to share this story because it really shows that having a chronic condition, or medically unexplained symptoms, doesn’t have to control your life.  Rather, you can manage your condition and live life the best you can in the face of it.  I realise that others have more serious and perhaps real problems physically, but hope I might inspire the odd person or two to work at taking back control of their own lives in the face of adversity.  It’s a long and challenging process that never ends – I’m still learning all the time and constantly adjusting to get the balance right and keep myself feeling relatively well – but there is hope even when it feels like you’re ever going to feel healthy again.  In the words of James Morrison, who gives the title for this post, “I’ve got demons; I just need a little time to work ‘em out”.

Saturday, 26 March 2016

We Are



I write this having been inspired by attending the History of Mental Health conference at Leeds Trinity University earlier this week.  This was a joint venture between the British Psychological Society’s History/Philosophy of Psychology Section and the Critical Psychiatry Network.  If you know me or have followed my views in this blog, you’ll be aware that this is right up my street!  The observant among you will notice it’s been a wee while since I’ve posted here - aside from being busy with uni work, I’ve also been writing a few bits for OMQ Fitness & Wellness magazine - so this was the perfect prompt for me to add some fresh material.  I hope you find it a good read.

A key theme over the two day conference was that of the epistemology of mental health: What constitutes knowledge?  Where and whom does it come from?  How is it developed?  Who decides which knowledge is good or best or right?  Given the theme of the event, a large proportion of the delegates would argue that too much credence is given to the knowledge of ‘experts by training’ (psychiatrists and so forth) and not enough to ‘experts by experience’ (those who have experienced mental health difficulties and their relatives & friends).  A very balanced view was given by keynote speaker Gail Hornstein, who suggested no type of knowledge or expertise is superior, but that the two need to become more integrated and be used together, not separately, to best support people’s mental wellbeing.

This notion of separation and fragmentation was another theme that cropped up a lot in my mind over the course of the two days.  Fragmentation between those ‘with’ and ‘without’ mental health problems; between ‘experts’ and ‘patients’; between the ethos of recovery and the obsession with quantitative evidence that underpins funding for services and research; between people’s actual experience of distress and psychiatry’s explanation for it.  I strongly believe that if we can build a more unified, inclusive approach, we can in turn build a stronger mental health system and ultimately a heathier, happier, more productive society.  

To illustrate my thoughts, I first cast my mind back a fair few years, to when I read The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson.  In hindsight, this was probably my very first taste of critical psychiatry.  I was struck by Ronson’s statement that he had been able to diagnose himself with about 6 ‘mental disorders’ by reading the DSM.  As far as I can remember, I didn’t do a great deal of thinking about this fact at the time, but some years on I’ve become a lot more familiar with this field, and my professional interests have become somewhat consumed with addressing the over-pathologisation (yep, I think I made a new word up) of human experience and mental distress.

One of my favourite things about the conference was a section that encompassed accounts of mental distress from a range of sources.  A key message was that psychiatry’s depictions of and explanations for mental ‘illnesses’ are often very different from those that the individual can make sense of themselves.  Related to this, another key point was that making sense of distress is a process that can take many years, and sticking alabel on it therefore simply doesn’t work (at least not for the labelled individual, or indeed their loved ones).  A third key theme was the need to consider mental distress on a case by case basis, because each occurrence of it is as unique as each person who experiences it.  Putting someone in a category based on your perceptions of their experience isn’t conducive to helping them recover, whereas supporting them to understand their unique experience is. 

To further illustrate my thoughts, I turn to the words of Caitlin Jenkins, who at the event presented her research on service users’ experiences of psychiatric diagnosis, along with snippets of her own experience (she herself has received more than her share of psychiatric diagnoses and treatments over the years).  She noted there is a danger of seeing a person as a series of notes, rather than as a person.  One of her participants spoke of how a diagnosis gives rise to a particular treatment; if that treatment doesn’t work, another diagnosis is given, and so on.  This resonates with my own concerns that psychiatry arbitrarily tries to fit people into boxes in a way that doesn’t facilitate true insight into their experience or therefore how to help them.  This got me thinking about something that’s crossed my mind on occasions before: what would a psychiatrist have to say about me if they had the chance to observe my life or conduct an assessment on me?  I have a few ideas as to how this might go, and present them here with alternative explanations from my own viewpoint.

Lauren’s mood has been variable over the last two weeks; she moves between being bright in mood and full of energy to being low and withdrawn, sometimes within a single day.  These mood swings do not appear to be related to any particular events but happen spontaneously.  At time of writing, Lauren is experiencing a depressive episode; she is staying at home more regularly than usual and neglecting to partake in all of her usual activities.  Previous to this she was showing signs of mild mania; her lifestyle was somewhat chaotic and she presented as being obsessed with completing as many different activities as possible within each day.

I often experience ups and downs in mood, sometimes to a greater extent than others, but see that as a normal part of human experience and manage it accordingly.  Sometimes I do feel like my changes in mood are happening for no particular reason, but I can usually identify the causes in hindsight if not at the time. I’m quite self-aware as I practice mindfulness, so can usually recognise my mood changes quite quickly and look after myself well to keep on top of this.  Over the last couple of years I’ve had ups and downs with my physical health, which I seem to be getting better at managing.  I thrive on being really busy and active and have realised that I tend to feel healthier physically as well as mentally when I keep this up, so when I feel good I make the most of it by doing as much as possible.  I’m really ambitious so not one to waste time!  However, it’s really important to recognise when I need to take things down a notch.  I recently had a spell of feeling poorly for a few days and responded to my body telling me to take it east by having a rest week.  This meant I did gentle exercise rather than my usual intense, structured training, and spent the rest of my free time relaxing at home.  After a few days of this I felt much better and more myself.

Lauren has been persistently non-concordant with her medication.  She expresses paranoia and delusions that it will be harmful to her and do no good, and that the whole mental health system is one big conspiracy.  Lauren becomes highly argumentative when staff attempt to explain the benefits of her treatment and why she needs it.

I have no desire to take brain-altering drugs that will cause a multitude of unpleasant and potentially harmful effects.  Ultimately, we don’t really understand exactly how these drugs work and what their effects are on the body long-term.  There is no real difference between these drugs and illicit ones, except that psychiatric meds have been packaged and marketed in a way that implies they will fix some sort of problem or deficit, rather than as psychoactive substances (which they are).  Because I feel so strongly about this, any discussion about psychiatric meds is likely to end up quite heated; not least if someone is trying to get me to take them! 

Lauren has been very low in mood and withdrawn today.  She has refused to spend time with others and spent a lot of time isolating herself in her room, doing nothing.

I meditated a lot today, which made me feel very peaceful and at one with myself and the world.

From my experience working in a psychiatric hospital, I genuinely believe that my fictional patient notes above are quite a realistic representation of what might be written about me if I were unfortunate enough to be subjected to this.  The problem is that once you’re in a mental health service, the system seems to be hell-bent on giving you a diagnosis, and this is really difficult to shake.  In Caitlin’s research I mentioned above, one participant noted how a diagnosis is given, which gives rise to a particular type of medical treatment, and when it doesn’t work, another diagnosis is applied, along with a change in medication, and so on.  This resonates with me from my experience working in mental health, where new diagnoses and medication combinations appear to be flung around in a sometimes arbitrary, trial-and-error type of manner.  In my fictional situation above, I can see how my diagnosis might have changed to try and fit my presentation at each time, perhaps from bipolar disorder to paranoid schizophrenia to major depression, and no doubt over a number of years of ‘failed’ attempts at treatment and defiance of the system probably ultimately some sort of ‘personality disorder’.

I’ve talked before about how I feel that my determination to take good care of myself has really helped me to stay mentally well.  When I feel things are not going so well, I take the time to understand why this is and work out a way of remedying this.  I am very fortunate that I have always been able to do this with just myself and my friends & family for support, but I am all too aware of the many people who need extra support from mental health services to get well.  Unfortunately, the approach to mental health that has developed over the years jumps straight to medical solutions, with room to explore and work through distress being reserved for the lucky few that are able to access such services, or a kind of bolt-on to medical treatment.  At the conference that prompted me to write this post, I was inspired by the story of a mum who had seen her son go through acute psychosis, which she and he were helped through by support from SoteriaBradford.  He had been prescribed a variety of antipsychotics, none of which had relieved his distress, and the thing that really started to help him was a therapeutic approach called Open Dialogue, which he and his mum engaged with as a family.  This is a long process that requires concerted effort from therapist, patient and their families, but by engaging with this process they were able to identify factors that had contributed to his declining mental health, which ultimately supported him to come through the psychosis.  As a family they recognise that this may return at some stage but are confident that by accepting it and working with it rather than trying to force it to be silenced pharmaceutically, they can cope when this occurs.  Interestingly, there was no major trauma leading to his illness, but a culmination of elements of life and how he perceived them that took their toll. 

The point I’m really trying to make here, and the reason for the title of this post, is that, simply, we are all human, and could do well to remember that more often.  In her talk at the History of Mental Health conference, Gail Hornstein talked of how we’re always placing ourselves and others into categories – patient or professional, expert by experience or expert by training, those needing support or those offering it.  In reality we all have various roles and identities we fulfil and usually sit on a spectrum or fit within multiple categories simultaneously – if we can embrace this, perhaps we can achieve more than we would’ve done otherwise – for instance, Peer Support has become quite buzzword in the mental health arena, yet it is a term reserved for a relationship between patients and other patients.  Why not apply peer support to the staff too?  Surely they need support as much as those they seek to help, both in terms of professional development and looking after their own wellbeing?  And, indeed, to return to my original point about epistemology (where does knowledge come from?), professionals could do well to accept that patients may be able to help them too, and offer knowledge about their condition that no diagnostic label could ever hope to shed light on.

Patient-centredness is supposed to be at the heart of mental healthcare these days, yet still so many people within services don’t feel listened to or supported effectively.  As an example, those wanting to prioritise losing weight or giving up smoking are often told “let’s get your mental health sorted first”, rather than trusting that this person intuitively knows what they need and may see improvements in their mental health as a result of working on their own personal goals.  Using this innate personal knowledge in conjunction with, rather than in opposition to, the knowledge of healthcare professionals, could be a powerful tool in helping people to recover and master their own wellness in a holistic way.  An anecdote from my own work comes to mind here: I work as a Wellness Coach, supporting people to make lifestyle changes around weight management, physical activity, smoking and alcohol.  We recently had a client who the staff member that initially spoke to believed needed intensive mental health support, as he reported having used such services extensively in the past.  On speaking with this person myself and exploring in more depth what their priorities were, it turned out they felt getting more active was exactly what they needed in order to improve both their physical health and mental state.  This sits perfectly within my remit as a coach, whereas others might have pointed him in the direction of a mental health service, not fully understanding what it was that he wanted to achieve.  After a few weeks of working with him on some basic goal setting and action planning, he was feeling much more positive, in control and ready to move on with this healthier new lifestyle without ongoing support.

I could talk about this forever, but I’m aware that I’ve already gone on a bit and may be pushing my luck in terms of keeping or losing your attention!  If you’ve read this far then thanks for persevering.  I just want to end by emphasising my message that being human is a powerful thing, and I believe that by nurturing this fact – by always bearing in mind that ourselves and others are, simply, human, and relating to ourselves and each other as such (rather than as categories, diagnoses and so on), then we can cultivate recovery, wellness, happiness and achievement of our potential.  This can be far more powerful than what can be achieved by constantly striving for the perfect labels to separate ourselves off into various boxes.  We are human, we can grow and develop by understanding ourselves and being understood by others, we do have the capacity to recover and heal from trauma, and we will build a happier and healthier society by nurturing these qualities of humanity.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Your Hallelujah



One of my favourite things about this time of year is listening to Christmas music.  Over the last few years I’ve really enjoyed Leona Lewis’s album Christmas, With Love, which delivers the perfect balance of fun and lower-tempo songs, originals and classics, and really showcases lots of different sides of her personality and musical talent.  Anyway, one of the slower tracks on the album is Your Hallelujah, a beautiful, emotionally charged song.  I was driving home from work the other day and found myself almost in tears when the song came on, which compelled me to write a few words about the song and what it means to me.





The song, for me, brings absent loved ones to mind.  Not just my own, but others’ too.  In fact, the first time I heard it was around the time I’d found out a colleague had lost his dad.  I didn’t even know the guy that well and he’d probably think it a bit strange if he knew this, but I felt quite affected by the incident and wished there was something I could’ve done to help.  I remember thinking of this guy and his family when the song came on, and now it reminds me of other people whose absence is always felt more at this time of year.



Remembering lost loved ones at Christmas
The first verse and chorus of Your Hallelujah go like this:



Winter's cold, in the light
Somebody's waiting
Feel the warmth, safe and sound now
All the joy, all the fears
You can let go now
Watch the snow gently fall down



Someone needs you
Someone loves you
Hallelujah
Now you're coming home
Hallelujah
Angels calling out to you
You can hear them sing your hallelujah



These lyrics, along with the beautiful melody, strike a chord with me and make me feel a little more connected to those I know who are no longer with us.  I envisage those people at peace, and wish a little that they were coming home as the song suggests.  In my post Save You I talk of a chap I knew who had recently taken his own life, and how I wished, as most of us do in these situations, that he could have known how many people would have begged him to stay.  The lyric someone needs you; someone loves you reminds me that we should always make sure the people around us know how much we value them.





So, at this time of year, I feel it’s really important to tell and show our friends, family, admired acquaintances, inspiring colleagues, and any other important people in our lives, that they are important to us.  That we need them and love them.  And this has also got me thinking of those people who are unfortunate enough not to have any loved ones to celebrate Christmas with.  When I see homeless people in the street, particularly around Christmas, I occasionally sit and have a chat with them as I think sometimes this might be more needed than a few coins or a coffee - well, actually, a chat AND a coffee is my preferred offering! – just to give them a feeling that they are valued; they are needed as much as anyone else in this world.  I hope I’ll find some time this year to spread some festive cheer to the less fortunate members of my local community, perhaps even by doing some volunteering with the Salvation Army or some such organisation.



To sum up, I’m making a big effort this Christmas to make as many people around me as possible feel needed and loved.  Spending as much quality time with friends and family as I can, making sure they know how grateful I am to have that time with them, and extending some of that kinship to those who may be lonely.  I love that by doing this I will be lifting my own spirits as well as that of those around me (hopefully!) and hope that you will all do the same and have a very Merry Christmas :)

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

The Trouble is, This Trouble is Ours


I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the drinking culture we have in this country.  I’ve never been a massive drinker, but my current job involves, amongst other things, helping people to cut down on their alcohol, which has made me think of alcohol in a slightly different light in recent months.  I’ve become acutely aware that we have a huge drinking problem here in the UK, and I find this deeply concerning.




 
What’s the Problem?



It’s not unusual to enjoy a drink or two of an evening or weekend.  In fact, you’ll most likely be considered a little bit odd if you don’t.  Most of us would think nothing of having a couple of glasses of wine after work, a few pints on a Friday evening, or even getting absolutely smashed on a Saturday night.  It’s an incredibly normal way to behave, and those who decline to participate are often made to feel a little socially outcast.



Concern starts to creep in when you realise how easy it is to put your health at increased risk through drinking.  Even a few drinks a few times a week can increase the risk of problems like high blood pressure, diabetes and some cancers, not to mention weight gain.  It’s recommended that women drink no more than 2-3 units a day on a regular basis, and men 3-4 units.  Consider that a pint or a glass of wine usually contains something between 2 and 3 units, and it soon becomes clear that the majority of us are drinking more than the guideline amount on a regular basis without batting an eyelid. 



Unless you’re pregnant or driving, you’re likely to be mocked for not drinking, and often bullied into consuming more.  Drinking games are a key source of entertainment for many young people, intake of enormous amounts of alcohol is usually a rite of passage in university sports clubs, and a weekend without alcohol is considered unthinkable by many working people. 



So, as a nation, we’ve become culturally programmed to drink to levels that are almost definitely going to harm our health.  But for me, the main issue is not the mere fact that people are drinking too much.  More importantly, we need to be asking the question: why is this happening?  Yes; alcohol causes health problems, but the way I see is, the main issue is that drinking it is in itself a symptom: a symptom of living in a society where people no longer know how to keep themselves healthy and happy and lead meaningful lives.  I’ve talked before about how modern Westernsociety is not conducive to wellbeing.  Our drinking culture is one of the many manifestations of this problem.  To speak in extremes, our collective obsession with drinking alcohol is a symptom of deep-seated societal unhappiness.





What’s the solution?



This question has a very simple answer, and simultaneously a very complex one!  In simple terms, if unhappiness is the cause of the problem, the solution is to increase happiness at the population level.  If everyone had ways of maintaining their wellbeing without the use of alcohol or other substances, binge drinking would be far less common.



Of course, if the solution really were so simple, we wouldn’t have the problem on our hands in the first place!  The perceived need to drink alcohol arises from a complex range of factors.  Workplace stress, family situations, self-esteem, social pressure, hectic schedules, financial hardship, emotional trauma and lack of knowledge, to name but a few, are all things that contribute to the need to drink.  Take a moment to consider the fact that it is highly socially acceptable to use a substance to deal with everyday stress and emotions, and hopefully you can see why I find this so concerning.




What can we do about it?



There’s actually a lot of good stuff already going on to combat the problem of binge drinking.  The Sober for October campaign encourages people to stop drinking for the month, with a view to raising awareness of the harms of alcohol and helping people to realise how good they can feel for not drinking.  There’s also a wealth of smaller campaigns doing great work on helping people to cut back on their alcohol intake, for instance, My Happy Hour and the Purbeck Pledge in my local area.



Each one of us is the master of our own wellbeing if we give ourselves half a chance to be.  That means that you have the power to make a change to your own lifestyle and improve your health and wellbeing. 



As a starting point, you can learn more about the effects of alcohol and the units and calories in your favourite drinks, find out how risky your own drinking habits are and get support to make a change on the Drinkaware website.  Most importantly, you can figure out and use other pastimes and coping strategies to manage stress, enjoy your evenings and weekends, and become healthier and happier.  Try asking yourself the following questions to explore the possibility of cutting down on drinking.  Why not challenge a friend to do the same?



  • Why do I drink?
  •  What are the pros and cons of drinking?
  • What are the pros and cons of reducing my drinking?
  • What impact might drinking be having on my health and other aspects of my life?
  • How might my life be better if I drank less?
  • How can my friends and family support me to reduce my drinking? 
  • What other things can I fill my time with instead of drinking?
  • How much do I feel I should be drinking each week and how can I work towards this?



Whether you want to go sober for October, reduce your alcohol intake long-term, cut it out completely, learn more or make no changes at all, I hope you’ve found this piece interesting or helpful on some level.  I hope you’ll be joining me on the journey towards a healthier, happier nation.