Like most of my posts, the title of this one pays homage to
a song lyric, but it also references the best book I’ve read in a long time: Happy by Derren Brown. This masterpiece gives the reader a
whistle-stop tour of the history of happiness philosophy, and provides some simple
insights and advice that can help us to live happily. I’d like to share some of
those thoughts here.
When it comes to happiness (or indeed lack thereof), the problem
that we have in modern Western society is our fierce attachment to the ‘hedonic
treadmill’: we are led to believe that possessions, people, fitness crazes,
holidays, TV shows, etc etc, will bring us happiness. We buy the latest iPhone
and experience a fleeting joy, until the next model comes out and we are left
wanting again. This is because possessions do
not bring real, lasting happiness. Similarly, neither do holidays or
relationships.
Why is this? As the ancient Bhuddist saying states:
“Wherever you go, there you are”. Possessions, relationships and holidays never
bring true contentment, because whatever we buy, whoever we spend time with,
whatever our material riches and however many luxury holidays we take, we are always ourselves.
That we can never escape our own bodies and minds is a
somewhat terrifying thought, but a liberating and insightful one too. Once we
realise the significance of this fact, it is a powerful tool for cultivating
contentment. If I’m not happy at home, chances are I won’t be happy in an
exotic beachside location, because I’ll still be me. So, the solution is to
become more ok with myself. This is the only path to true peace and happiness.
I’d like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to
a video that describes wonderfully the distinction between the fleeting joy
that things, people and positive life events bring, and that robust happiness
that can be located and nurtured within. Tara Brach is a psychologist and a
mindfulness teacher, and offers great insight into the world of true happiness.
Feel free to take some time to close your eyes, relax and listen to her wise
words.
Becoming more ok with ourselves, and therefore connecting
with our inner happiness – which, by the way, we all have the capacity for –
involves being open and accepting of our experiences, both positive and
negative. We have a tendency to believe that happiness is linked with not
experiencing pain, suffering or negative events, so we try to avoid such
experiences. Although counter-intuitive, avoiding difficult thoughts, feelings
and events isn’t the answer. It’s part of the human condition that we will all
experience challenges across the life-course, and it’s human nature to have
fluctuations in mood and energy levels. Rather than beating ourselves up about
this, we do better to acknowledge and accept our experiences in any given
moment, whatever they are.
If this notion seems contradictory and counter-intuitive,
that’s fair enough – it kind of is! – but even so, I hope you will be willing
to give it a go and see how it impacts on your life. A good starting point
might be to try some guided meditation practices – you’ll find loads of these
by searching online - personally I can recommend the Dorset Mindfulness Centre’sSoundcloud page. These practices can help you to connect with your thoughts and
feelings and become more accepting of them, which in turn can help you to
experience a sense of inner peace and contentment; in other words, true
happiness.
In sum, happiness isn’t about running away from life’s
difficulties, but turning towards them and becoming more ok with ourselves. This
is vital, since you are always you, no matter where you go or what you do.
Instead of relying on external objects, people and places for comfort, we can
find it by connecting with, getting to know, and coming to be ok with, our
internal worlds.
I’d like to finish by quoting Leona Lewis’s song about
happiness, which sums up these ideas quite nicely:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?
I’ve gotta find my place
I’ve gotta hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just wanna be
Happy
