Happy: ‘So what if it hurts me?’

Like most of my posts, the title of this one pays homage to a song lyric, but it also references the best book I’ve read in a long time: Happy by Derren Brown.  This masterpiece gives the reader a whistle-stop tour of the history of happiness philosophy, and provides some simple insights and advice that can help us to live happily. I’d like to share some of those thoughts here.

When it comes to happiness (or indeed lack thereof), the problem that we have in modern Western society is our fierce attachment to the ‘hedonic treadmill’: we are led to believe that possessions, people, fitness crazes, holidays, TV shows, etc etc, will bring us happiness. We buy the latest iPhone and experience a fleeting joy, until the next model comes out and we are left wanting again. This is because possessions do not bring real, lasting happiness. Similarly, neither do holidays or relationships.

Why is this? As the ancient Bhuddist saying states: “Wherever you go, there you are”. Possessions, relationships and holidays never bring true contentment, because whatever we buy, whoever we spend time with, whatever our material riches and however many luxury holidays we take, we are always ourselves.

That we can never escape our own bodies and minds is a somewhat terrifying thought, but a liberating and insightful one too. Once we realise the significance of this fact, it is a powerful tool for cultivating contentment. If I’m not happy at home, chances are I won’t be happy in an exotic beachside location, because I’ll still be me. So, the solution is to become more ok with myself. This is the only path to true peace and happiness.

I’d like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to a video that describes wonderfully the distinction between the fleeting joy that things, people and positive life events bring, and that robust happiness that can be located and nurtured within. Tara Brach is a psychologist and a mindfulness teacher, and offers great insight into the world of true happiness. Feel free to take some time to close your eyes, relax and listen to her wise words.

Becoming more ok with ourselves, and therefore connecting with our inner happiness – which, by the way, we all have the capacity for – involves being open and accepting of our experiences, both positive and negative. We have a tendency to believe that happiness is linked with not experiencing pain, suffering or negative events, so we try to avoid such experiences. Although counter-intuitive, avoiding difficult thoughts, feelings and events isn’t the answer. It’s part of the human condition that we will all experience challenges across the life-course, and it’s human nature to have fluctuations in mood and energy levels. Rather than beating ourselves up about this, we do better to acknowledge and accept our experiences in any given moment, whatever they are.

If this notion seems contradictory and counter-intuitive, that’s fair enough – it kind of is! – but even so, I hope you will be willing to give it a go and see how it impacts on your life. A good starting point might be to try some guided meditation practices – you’ll find loads of these by searching online - personally I can recommend the Dorset Mindfulness Centre’sSoundcloud page. These practices can help you to connect with your thoughts and feelings and become more accepting of them, which in turn can help you to experience a sense of inner peace and contentment; in other words, true happiness.

In sum, happiness isn’t about running away from life’s difficulties, but turning towards them and becoming more ok with ourselves. This is vital, since you are always you, no matter where you go or what you do. Instead of relying on external objects, people and places for comfort, we can find it by connecting with, getting to know, and coming to be ok with, our internal worlds.

I’d like to finish by quoting Leona Lewis’s song about happiness, which sums up these ideas quite nicely:

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground?

I’ve gotta find my place

I’ve gotta hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be

Happy

Demons

I’ve talked before about how I firmly believe that the way we behave and deal with life’s challenges has a huge impact on our wellbeing, and today felt compelled to write about a particular example that illustrates this quite poignantly, for me at least.

Over the last couple of years I’ve had some ups and downs with my health, with episodes of feeling unwell with abdominal pain and fatigue.  I’ve had various treatments and investigations, but so far haven’t got to the bottom of what’s causing the symptoms.  At times the strain of not only the physical symptoms but the psychological impact of not knowing what the problem is has really taken its toll. 

I had two minor operations last year in attempt to fix the problem, and prior to the first one I was convinced it was going to be the answer.  Afterwards, when I realised it hadn’t helped, I was in quite a bad way for a while.  I allowed it to have quite an impact on my life, cancelling catch-ups with friends and being far less active than usual when my symptoms struck.  I was taking painkillers every day, and on the rare occasions I didn’t have tummy pain I’d end up with a migraine or something.  I couldn’t remember what it was like to feel well.  Thinking back on it now I can hardly believe I was in that kind of state when now, although nothing has changed medically, I’m in a much better place.

Simply enjoying riding my bike has played a major role in feeling healthier

I can see now that I’d gotten myself into a bit of a vicious cycle – doing less because I felt unwell, feeling sluggish because I wasn’t doing enough, and so on – and had also fallen into an unhelpful mind-set of being ‘ill’.  One day I just decided I needed to start doing something differently if I was ever going to feel better, so I took myself off painkillers (saving them only for particularly severe bouts) and gradually started to get more active again.  I also discovered the world of raw food, which led me to start making some changes to my diet.  I was already a healthy eater, but think this is one of the multitude of factors that has supported me to get back to a sense of wellbeing despite the limited progress on the medical front.

I’m now in almost completely the opposite state to how I was a year and a bit ago, and although my symptoms persist in a way I feel healthier than ever.  Another factor that has played a role has been practicing mindfulness, having completed a course at the Dorset Mindfulness Centre.  This has allowed me to be more accepting of my symptoms, which in turn has meant they have less of an impact when they do occur.  Rather than ruminating on them and dosing up, I now simply notice and get on with my day. 

As has been the case over the course of two years, I still have better and worse phases.  The difference is that at low points I might reduce the intensity of my exercise, or have an extra rest day, rather than letting it stop me in my tracks.  This helps keep me from getting back into a downward spiral, and seems to have really helped me to stay feeling relatively well.  The downs seem to be less severe, and my mood has stabilised alongside this (or maybe it’s the other way round and my stable mood helps me to deal with the physical side better!).

Before all this started, I was training really hard physically; I had a cycling coach and was competing in my local track league and time trials.  The start of my period of illness – I call it that as that’s how I saw it at the time, although I currently do not consider myself to have an illness – was one of the factors that drew me away from racing, alongside needing to spend more time and mental energy on working out my next career move.  This year, as I’ve gradually become more active, simply enjoying spending time on my bike (plus the odd weights session in the gym!) seems to have made me fitter than I was when I was doing loads of specialised, structured training. 

Time trialling a couple of years back

To me, this epitomises how state of mind and generally looking after yourself can have a massive impact on not only your sense of wellbeing but also your capacity to achieve certain things.  Last year I dropped out of a 100 mile cycle event I’d booked onto before the op that I imagined would cure everything, because I hadn’t felt anywhere near well enough to train.  Almost exactly a year later, I recently rode my first century - almost on a whim – when a club run turned out to be longer than expected and I decided I might as well tag some extra miles on to complete the hundred!  It was an important moment for me as I saw how far I’d come, simply by changing the way I reacted to what was going on.  I’ve also taken part in a couple of 10-mile time trials in recent weeks, and although I won’t be winning any titles any time soon I’m riding faster than I was two years ago, which I put down to all the factors outlined above plus the fact that I’m not really putting any pressure on myself to perform well, and making sure I get plenty of rest as well as plenty of exercise!

I just wanted to share this story because it really shows that having a chronic condition, or medically unexplained symptoms, doesn’t have to control your life.  Rather, you can manage your condition and live life the best you can in the face of it.  I realise that others have more serious and perhaps real problems physically, but hope I might inspire the odd person or two to work at taking back control of their own lives in the face of adversity.  It’s a long and challenging process that never ends – I’m still learning all the time and constantly adjusting to get the balance right and keep myself feeling relatively well – but there is hope even when it feels like you’re ever going to feel healthy again.  In the words of James Morrison, who gives the title for this post, “I’ve got demons; I just need a little time to work ‘em out”.

Run For Your Life

Me time trialling - perhaps
mindfulness could have helped me?!

Hello friends and welcome to ‘my cloud’!  I hope you find this to be a good read, and would love it if you could leave comments and share with others.  I am writing in a post-workout endorphin-enhanced state, which I have just realised is probably my favourite state to write in!  And my realising this, I think, is down to my newfound mindful way of living - having started practicing mindfulness a few months ago, I’m so much more aware of my thoughts and feelings in everyday situations - see my previous post for a bit more on the general benefits of mindfulness.

So, to get to the point of this post: I’ve just been for a run (and by run, I mean short jog!).  Of course, the fact that I went running is not the whole point of this post, but bear with me!  In recent times I’ve been making an effort to be more mindful during everyday activities, especially exercise.  This basically involves being fully aware of what I’m doing while I’m doing it, and noticing with curiosity how I feel physically and mentally whilst exercising. 

We all know that exercise is good for our mental wellbeing, and more and more of us are coming to realise that mindfulness is another powerful tool for maintaining and enhancing our psychological health.  Combine the two, and the result, I think, is magic!  It opens up a whole world of benefits, which I see as coming into two main categories.

The first is that exercise sessions are wonderful opportunities to practice mindfulness.  This in itself is a great thing, as the more we practice, the more benefits we reap.  Not only that, but it can make the experience more enjoyable and meaningful that it otherwise would be.  For instance, on my run today I noticed that the upright posture I was adopting made me feel strong and powerful (see this TED talk for more on body language and feelings of power).  On a recent bike ride I found noticed how soothing the easy feeling and sound of my slick tyres on a smooth road surface was, and the soft vibrations coming through my padded handlebar tape on a slightly rougher road surface.  One also notices a lot more of the natural beauty around you when you running, walking or cycling mindfully, and this in itself is a wonderful mood-booster.  Another way of bringing mindfulness to exercise is to simply notice the feeling of the feet touching the ground or turning the pedals, or of the wind in your face and hair.

Mindfulness can turn pain into power and enhance performance!

The second key advantage of mindful exercise is performance enhancement.  I realise that if you’re a serious athlete, the idea of leisurely taking in the scenery or enjoying a smooth road surface may not be quite up your street!  The good news is that I also think it has enormous potential to enhance performance.  This is because mindfulness is very much about paying attention to how we feel in a non-judgemental way.  So, by adopting a mindful approach during exercise, when pain kicks in you can get through it by simply noticing and allowing the sensations, without attaching negativity to it or wishing it felt different. 

I toyed with the idea of using mindfulness to improve performance a little on my run today, and genuinely think it helped me to go a little faster.  I’ve also tried it whilst going uphill on my bike and doing weights.  I think it’s something that’ll take some practice to get big performance enhancements from, but can really see the potential.  Another idea I have is to build it up slowly (after all, mindfulness is like the gym but for your mind: the more you do it, the easier it gets).  For instance, on my recent mindful bike ride I quite enjoyed the feeling of tension and power when going up a short hill.  With practice, I think this technique of mindfully noticing the sensations in my legs could help me a lot with harder climbs.

One to read for more
on mindful cycling

Of course, my experience so far is with a limited range of activities, but I think it can be applied to anything.  I’m especially interested to apply mindfulness next time I go climbing and see where it gets me!

So, there it is: a whistle-stop tour of my thoughts on the magic of mindful exercise!  I’d welcome comments from anyone who uses mindfulness when exercising, and hope to write more on this later when I’ve tried the technique out a bit more and looked into what research is out there on the topic.  In the meantime, I hope I might have inspired you to give mindful exercise a go and that you can reap the benefits from it.  Run, walk, climb, lift, cycle, row – or whatever your chosen activity – for your life!

A Perfect Tourniquet

Hello and thank you for visiting my blog!  I haven’t written anything on here for a while so it feels good to be back, and I’m quite pleased with myself for finding the time as I’m very preoccupied with uni work at the moment!  I’m always telling people it’s not healthy to study too much, so I’m practising what I preach and doing something different for an hour or two.  And what better way to spend that hour or two than to write?!

As I write this I’m actually feeling quite inspired.  I recently completed an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course and am amazed by what a positive experience this was.  What’s even more amazing is the potential for massive long-term benefits on my wellbeing.  It’s something I think everyone should be able to benefit from and I encourage all my readers to start practicing mindfulness, whether just listening to a few guided meditations on YouTube, attending a seminar or doing a full-blown course.

The reason I’m so keen that people should practice mindfulness is I think it’s almost essential for coping with modern life in a healthy way.  Most of us have such busy lives in Western society.  We have stressful jobs, studying to do, families to look after, illnesses and injuries to contend with, a whole host of other challenges, or any combination of the above!  And with the way technology has advanced in recent times, we are now faced with a constant need to be connected to the internet, glued to a laptop, tablet or smartphone, texting, checking Facebook, playing a game or looking at the sports scores.  All in all, in my opinion this is not conducive to good mental wellbeing (I’ve written about this in a previous post too: see Feeling The Moment).

All these things mean we can feel constantly busy, in a rush and under pressure to be going somewhere or doing something.  We seem to have lost the ability to simply enjoy the moment and be fully immersed in whatever we’re doing at any one time.  What a shame that many of us can’t enjoy a meal with friends without checking our phones.  Or that we experience a heart-sinking feeling every time we check our phones and don’t have messages.  That being always aware of what we need to do next detracts from our enjoyment of time with friends and family.

Mindfulness can bring some peace and stillness to a hectic life

Since our jobs and studies and other responsibilities aren’t going anywhere, and I don’t see our reliance on technology going backwards any time soon, what we need is a way to adapt to this type of lifestyle and stay mentally healthy at the same time.  This means a need to make the effort to connect with ourselves and with the present moment every so often, rather than always being connected with social media or worrying about what’s happening tomorrow.  And this is exactly what mindfulness teaches us to do!

Even though we do all have busy lives, mindfulness can fit right into them.  Whether it be a 10 or 20 minute meditation, taking a moment to breathe deeply and acknowledge how we are feeling a few times a day, or simply being completely aware of what we are doing whilst we are doing it, we can always make time for mindfulness.  In turn, we can feel more relaxed, learn about ourselves and enjoy life more.  Ultimately, we can even find that some of the rushing around, being glued to technology and stressing about life we do is completely unnecessary!  Mindfulness, in my eyes, is the ‘perfect tourniquet’ to stem the flow of negative emotions that can be caused by hectic lives.  

One of my favourite ways to relax and connect with the moment is to listen to music.  I find music indredibly nourishing, whether this be through the emotional power of lyrics or the soothing effect of a beautiful piece of melodic music.  If you're a music lover too, try spending a little time each day listening to music and really connecting with it.  I find this helpful when my mind is very busy and I'm not getting on well with meditation.  On the note of music, I always try to name my blog posts after songs or lyrics, and this one is from an incredible band Anberlin.  The song doesn't have a great deal to do with what I'm writing about, but the title seemed apt, and I've put a video at the bottom of the page for you to check out.

Being mindful doesn't always have to involve meditation!

Other ways to bring mindfulness into your everyday activites is to notice the sensations in your feet when walking, spend time really noticing the flavours, textures and colours in your food, or simply to make yourself completely aware of what you're doing or how your feeling at any time.  If this all seems a little too much, simply try and spend a little time every day (or at least most days!) doing something you enjoy.

Staying motivated to practice mindfulness every day is challenging, and for all my raving about it I’m not always that good at it!  Fortunately I had a new burst of inspiration when I met up with some people from my MBSR course yesterday, plus I’ve volunteered to become a Mindfulness Advocate which will get me more involved with mindfulness and encourage me to keep practising.  I’m really looking forward to continuing on a lifelong mindfulness journey and helping others to do the same!

Links:

   

Dorset Mindfulness Centre

Guided meditations to kickstart your mindfulness journey