Happy: ‘So what if it hurts me?’

Like most of my posts, the title of this one pays homage to a song lyric, but it also references the best book I’ve read in a long time: Happy by Derren Brown.  This masterpiece gives the reader a whistle-stop tour of the history of happiness philosophy, and provides some simple insights and advice that can help us to live happily. I’d like to share some of those thoughts here.

When it comes to happiness (or indeed lack thereof), the problem that we have in modern Western society is our fierce attachment to the ‘hedonic treadmill’: we are led to believe that possessions, people, fitness crazes, holidays, TV shows, etc etc, will bring us happiness. We buy the latest iPhone and experience a fleeting joy, until the next model comes out and we are left wanting again. This is because possessions do not bring real, lasting happiness. Similarly, neither do holidays or relationships.

Why is this? As the ancient Bhuddist saying states: “Wherever you go, there you are”. Possessions, relationships and holidays never bring true contentment, because whatever we buy, whoever we spend time with, whatever our material riches and however many luxury holidays we take, we are always ourselves.

That we can never escape our own bodies and minds is a somewhat terrifying thought, but a liberating and insightful one too. Once we realise the significance of this fact, it is a powerful tool for cultivating contentment. If I’m not happy at home, chances are I won’t be happy in an exotic beachside location, because I’ll still be me. So, the solution is to become more ok with myself. This is the only path to true peace and happiness.

I’d like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to a video that describes wonderfully the distinction between the fleeting joy that things, people and positive life events bring, and that robust happiness that can be located and nurtured within. Tara Brach is a psychologist and a mindfulness teacher, and offers great insight into the world of true happiness. Feel free to take some time to close your eyes, relax and listen to her wise words.

Becoming more ok with ourselves, and therefore connecting with our inner happiness – which, by the way, we all have the capacity for – involves being open and accepting of our experiences, both positive and negative. We have a tendency to believe that happiness is linked with not experiencing pain, suffering or negative events, so we try to avoid such experiences. Although counter-intuitive, avoiding difficult thoughts, feelings and events isn’t the answer. It’s part of the human condition that we will all experience challenges across the life-course, and it’s human nature to have fluctuations in mood and energy levels. Rather than beating ourselves up about this, we do better to acknowledge and accept our experiences in any given moment, whatever they are.

If this notion seems contradictory and counter-intuitive, that’s fair enough – it kind of is! – but even so, I hope you will be willing to give it a go and see how it impacts on your life. A good starting point might be to try some guided meditation practices – you’ll find loads of these by searching online - personally I can recommend the Dorset Mindfulness Centre’sSoundcloud page. These practices can help you to connect with your thoughts and feelings and become more accepting of them, which in turn can help you to experience a sense of inner peace and contentment; in other words, true happiness.

In sum, happiness isn’t about running away from life’s difficulties, but turning towards them and becoming more ok with ourselves. This is vital, since you are always you, no matter where you go or what you do. Instead of relying on external objects, people and places for comfort, we can find it by connecting with, getting to know, and coming to be ok with, our internal worlds.

I’d like to finish by quoting Leona Lewis’s song about happiness, which sums up these ideas quite nicely:

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground?

I’ve gotta find my place

I’ve gotta hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be

Happy

Food of Love

I recently visited Food Matters Live, a huge conference / exhibition bringing together people and organisations with an interest in building a sustainably healthy food landscape across the world. Hundreds of businesses showcased innovative food products and services, whilst the conferences and seminars offered copious food for thought on topics like the obesity management, clean label food, sports nutrition and sustainability. Given my interest in healthy lifestyles and keenness to discover new ways to bring good nutrition to my life, it was a no-brainer that this might be an enjoyable event for me, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Aside from being introduced to loads of amazing new nutrition products (and a few free samples!), I left the event feeling my appetite for deep thinking had been whet as well. Working as a health coach, I spend a fair bit of my time thinking about what makes people tick when it comes to achieving / maintaining a healthy weight, and, more importantly, how the heck we might go about getting people living well on a population-level scale. This was the focus of many of the discussions at Food Matters Live, with one panel session in particular getting the cogs whirring for me: a forum on the psychology of food choice.

Yes, somewhat counter-intuitively, the answers to these big questions about population-level change start with the individual, with the internal factors that influence what and how we choose to eat. Eloquently stated by Bee Wilson at this event, we humans have an ‘invariably complex relationship with food’ and are ‘prisoners of’ this when we make food choices. In other words, our choices are deeply intertwined with our emotions, memories and experiences, such that it’s often impossible to separate these. However, as Pierre Chardon notes, we often forget that our food choices are tied up with our emotions, instead rationalising that we ‘were hungry’ or ‘liked’ the food we chose.

In reality, the complex underlying processes that influence our food choices include our upbringing (with messages such as ‘you should always clear you plate’ being particularly problematic), the variety of foods we have been exposed to across the life-course, the effects of traumatic events, and our emotional states at any given time. Many of these things we have no control over, yet some of us are more health-conscious and seemingly in control of our diets than others. Bee Wilson commented on this, noting that she used to fall into the latter camp and now considers herself fortunate to be in the former. Why is this? What makes some of us more aware and able to control what we eat than others, and what gives us the ability (or not) to change this?

As one of those people who has made this transition, this got me thinking about my own passage to conscious living and healthy eating. How did this process begin? What triggered it? Which of my personal qualities and past experiences were instrumental in making this happen, and how? In what ways do all of these factors interact with each other? I certainly don’t purport to know all the answers to these questions, at least not fully, but I have some thoughts that I feel ultimately shed light not just on my own experience but on one of the keys to a widespread shift towards healthier living on a global scale.

My own quest to live more healthily began 5 or 6 years ago with a desperate attempt to feel better after a relationship breakup. I did some reading online about ways to boost my mood, and quickly started to learn of the impact nutrition has on our mental state. I began eating

Eating more raw vegan food is one of the steps I've taken to a healthier me

more of the foods that were said to improve mood, and this proved to be the start of an ongoing and unending search for the healthiest possible version of myself. I became interested more widely in the functions that different foods fulfil, and in the other ways in which my lifestyle would impact my mind and body. Bit by bit I built (what Derren Brown would describe in his fantastic book Happy as) a ‘considered life’ filled with meaningful pursuits and healthy choices.

This rings true of the experience of Bee Wilson who I mentioned earlier. She described her own transition from health unconscious to healthy eater as being a ‘meal by meal’ process - an incremental lifestyle change – ‘not just going on a diet’. This, I think, is the crux. On top of our individual psychology often being stacked against us, and an obesogenic environment tending to steer us towards less healthy choices, we are bombarded with messages that ‘dieting’ is the road to health. Cut out this food group; take that supplement; buy those meal replacement shakes. The result? Aside from those of us who have made a concerted effort or simply been lucky enough to enter the world of healthy lifestyle enlightenment, we are left with unrealistic expectations, unsustainable diet plans and no solid knowledge of what our bodies actually need.

Being plastered with unrealistic and inaccurate messages only serves to further embed the often unhealthy relationship with and thoughts/feelings about food. The losing battle we’re already fighting becomes tougher and tougher, and we fall deeper and deeper into habitually poor lifestyle choices. That is, until something clicks, snaps us out of it, puts us on the road to control over our own lives and health. That thing will be different for all of us; for me it was improving my mood, for other it’ll be looking better, some people will look to be alive for longer to see their kids grow up. The common denominator is that we will only ever change if something is intrinsically valuable to us.

Healthy choices come from within

So what’s the answer? It’ll be invariably complex; in fact there are likely to be infinite combinations of solutions to suit each individual. Each of us needs to find our own ways of connecting to what’s important to us, engaging with healthy lifestyles and doing what we can to work with our inner psychology and the outer environment. Culturally, unfortunately the odds will continue to be stacked against us if something doesn’t change. Instead of being told what plan we should be following, which foods we should be cutting out, how many meals we should be replacing with shakes, we needs to find these individual paths. As a health coach I love that I get the opportunity to work with people to help them to understand the healthy eating guidelines and work out individual action plans that work for them. To start bringing this holistic, person-centred approach to the masses is the challenge, and I’m not quite sure where we start with that in a world where capitalism and commercialism rules the roost. If you have any thoughts as to how we move forward with this, I’d love to hear from you.

All The Leaves Are Brown: Reasons to Love Autumn

So, it’s that time of year when the nights draw in, the days become chilly and blustery, and many of us find ourselves feeling a little down.  But as autumn sets in, I’ve found myself looking forward to the season and thinking of all the things that are awesome about autumn.  So, this post is simply about things I love about autumn, along with some tips for making the most of the season.   

Keeping fit

 

Autumn is a great time for fitness. With summer social activities dying down, we may find we have more time for getting active. Plus the cooler weather may make exercise a lot more comfortable, and bad weather days give opportunities to do all that indoor training we just can’t bring ourselves to do when it’s lovely outside.

Comfy clothes

I found myself disproportionately happy a couple of days ago when I found the temperature was just right to pop on one of my favourite cosy checked shirts.  Maybe this is just me, but getting into comfy clothes definitely feels like a bonus of the changing seasons!

 

Natural beauty

There aren’t many things prettier than a golden autumnal landscape.  I for one can’t wait to get out for some autumn walk as the colours change and leaves begin to fall.  And who can resist a nice crunchy leaf to step on?!

Comfort food

I like salad as much as the next person, but there’s something special about being able to enjoy the satisfaction of eating a hot meal on a chilly day after a hard day’s work, or as a pick-me-up at lunch time.  Autumn is a great opportunity to reconnect with our kitchens, discover a new recipe or two and experience all the joys that soups and stews have to offer.

Cosy nights

Snuggling on the sofa with a great friend and a good film is the ideal way to spend an autumn evening.  Or maybe a hot chocolate and a chat at a country pub.  Either way, the change in season offers a wonderful opportunity to spend more time enjoying the company of the people we love.

Learning something new

 

So it’s time for the start of a new academic year, but learning isn’t just for students!  Whether it be a mass learning online course, learning a language or picking up a new sport or exercise class, autumn is a great time to learn something new and discover a new lease for life. 


Foraging

Autumn is a great time to forage for things like mushrooms and berries. Enjoying a few blackberries as I stroll around my local areas is one of my favourite things, and theres somethign quite special about eating something you found and picked for yourself. 

Taking stock

If autumn makes you feel a bit down in the dumps, it can be a great time to reflect on your year so far, take stock and decide whether you might want to make any changes in your life.  What’s been your biggest achievement this year?  How happy are you with life right now?  What might you like to be different at the end of the year? Let autumn be a time of refresh and revival rather than melancholy and lethargy.

Demons

I’ve talked before about how I firmly believe that the way we behave and deal with life’s challenges has a huge impact on our wellbeing, and today felt compelled to write about a particular example that illustrates this quite poignantly, for me at least.

Over the last couple of years I’ve had some ups and downs with my health, with episodes of feeling unwell with abdominal pain and fatigue.  I’ve had various treatments and investigations, but so far haven’t got to the bottom of what’s causing the symptoms.  At times the strain of not only the physical symptoms but the psychological impact of not knowing what the problem is has really taken its toll. 

I had two minor operations last year in attempt to fix the problem, and prior to the first one I was convinced it was going to be the answer.  Afterwards, when I realised it hadn’t helped, I was in quite a bad way for a while.  I allowed it to have quite an impact on my life, cancelling catch-ups with friends and being far less active than usual when my symptoms struck.  I was taking painkillers every day, and on the rare occasions I didn’t have tummy pain I’d end up with a migraine or something.  I couldn’t remember what it was like to feel well.  Thinking back on it now I can hardly believe I was in that kind of state when now, although nothing has changed medically, I’m in a much better place.

Simply enjoying riding my bike has played a major role in feeling healthier

I can see now that I’d gotten myself into a bit of a vicious cycle – doing less because I felt unwell, feeling sluggish because I wasn’t doing enough, and so on – and had also fallen into an unhelpful mind-set of being ‘ill’.  One day I just decided I needed to start doing something differently if I was ever going to feel better, so I took myself off painkillers (saving them only for particularly severe bouts) and gradually started to get more active again.  I also discovered the world of raw food, which led me to start making some changes to my diet.  I was already a healthy eater, but think this is one of the multitude of factors that has supported me to get back to a sense of wellbeing despite the limited progress on the medical front.

I’m now in almost completely the opposite state to how I was a year and a bit ago, and although my symptoms persist in a way I feel healthier than ever.  Another factor that has played a role has been practicing mindfulness, having completed a course at the Dorset Mindfulness Centre.  This has allowed me to be more accepting of my symptoms, which in turn has meant they have less of an impact when they do occur.  Rather than ruminating on them and dosing up, I now simply notice and get on with my day. 

As has been the case over the course of two years, I still have better and worse phases.  The difference is that at low points I might reduce the intensity of my exercise, or have an extra rest day, rather than letting it stop me in my tracks.  This helps keep me from getting back into a downward spiral, and seems to have really helped me to stay feeling relatively well.  The downs seem to be less severe, and my mood has stabilised alongside this (or maybe it’s the other way round and my stable mood helps me to deal with the physical side better!).

Before all this started, I was training really hard physically; I had a cycling coach and was competing in my local track league and time trials.  The start of my period of illness – I call it that as that’s how I saw it at the time, although I currently do not consider myself to have an illness – was one of the factors that drew me away from racing, alongside needing to spend more time and mental energy on working out my next career move.  This year, as I’ve gradually become more active, simply enjoying spending time on my bike (plus the odd weights session in the gym!) seems to have made me fitter than I was when I was doing loads of specialised, structured training. 

Time trialling a couple of years back

To me, this epitomises how state of mind and generally looking after yourself can have a massive impact on not only your sense of wellbeing but also your capacity to achieve certain things.  Last year I dropped out of a 100 mile cycle event I’d booked onto before the op that I imagined would cure everything, because I hadn’t felt anywhere near well enough to train.  Almost exactly a year later, I recently rode my first century - almost on a whim – when a club run turned out to be longer than expected and I decided I might as well tag some extra miles on to complete the hundred!  It was an important moment for me as I saw how far I’d come, simply by changing the way I reacted to what was going on.  I’ve also taken part in a couple of 10-mile time trials in recent weeks, and although I won’t be winning any titles any time soon I’m riding faster than I was two years ago, which I put down to all the factors outlined above plus the fact that I’m not really putting any pressure on myself to perform well, and making sure I get plenty of rest as well as plenty of exercise!

I just wanted to share this story because it really shows that having a chronic condition, or medically unexplained symptoms, doesn’t have to control your life.  Rather, you can manage your condition and live life the best you can in the face of it.  I realise that others have more serious and perhaps real problems physically, but hope I might inspire the odd person or two to work at taking back control of their own lives in the face of adversity.  It’s a long and challenging process that never ends – I’m still learning all the time and constantly adjusting to get the balance right and keep myself feeling relatively well – but there is hope even when it feels like you’re ever going to feel healthy again.  In the words of James Morrison, who gives the title for this post, “I’ve got demons; I just need a little time to work ‘em out”.